Reflections on living with my Host family

My host family has actually been one of the most challenging parts of being here. I think I went in thinking I would have a giant family with tons of kids, all very warm with a “mama Africa,” which many of the other students have, but the lifestyle and communication styles has been so hard to understand and navigate. What I consider as “normal” family dynamic or behavior is completely the opposite of what it’s like in my house. And there is so much going on under the surface that takes forever to figure out, so every time I have an impression about why they behave the way they do or why they have a belief that they do, I have to try to understand the nature behind it. At my home in the US, my Mom gets frustrated when I don’t tell her about my life enough, where as here, my host Mom hardly knows anything about me and rarely asks about what’s going on in my life. In the US, dinner is a time to talk, but here meals are eaten in silence. My family isn’t as friendly and smiley as people are in the US, so I automatically subconsciously assume sometimes that I’ve done something wrong or that they’re judging me, and this is when I have to tell myself to get out of my head because usually it’s not what I think. Also, what I consider as quality time with someone isn’t just sitting at home in silence, but actually going out and doing things or talking with someone to get to know them. With my family they don’t really do any of that. My idea of hospitality is also different then theirs. From my point of view, it feels often like a negative atmosphere in my house, but I don’t think thats how they see it at all. The house is not a place to just relax and be yourself like it is in the USA, but you have to show respect there too.

My host Dad often would criticize me often and tell me that my Wolof is terrible, and that I should speak it much better by this point in the semester. But then i asked all my friends and their families do the same thing to them. Whenever a friend comes over, they say that they speak much better Wolof than I do. I guess in Senegal, that’s how people encourage you is by telling you that you’re not good at something. If i didn't know that, I would've taken it more personally. I think he might have been doing that endearingly, but to me it seemed harsh.

Even though it was difficult to live with my host family sometimes, I realized something I should have done all along was just get out of my own head. I spent so much time thinking they didn’t like me because the family atmosphere was so different than I'm used to, and because they treated me how I'm not used to being treated. I think I've really learned here to look at the nature of conflicts from both sides, especially when you're dealing with a culture so different than you're own. The behavior from someone doesn’t always mean what you think it does, and I've definitely learned that you really have to look at the values behind the behavior before you interpret it from your own point of view. I sometimes wish I had gotten to know my family better. Its just hard to figure out how when I only have four months here, and spending time with them is something that I can only really do in front of the TV, so that makes things a little hard. I tried to make the best of it though as best as I could, and I am still grateful for their hospitality even though it's just very different than what I am used to. I sometimes felt like I was just renting a room in the house though, and I sometimes got the feeling that my family was in the program more for the financial benefit of it then actually the experience of having an American in their house.

I made my host family breakfast the day before my last day in Senegal, and they actually prepared couscous as a backup because they didn't expect it to be any good. Apparently the last student they had had made them something really weird and they threw it away when she wasn't looking. I am proud to say though that my family was pleasantly surprised and LOVED my breakfast, and even asked for the recipe!! This was definitely one of my favorite days with my host family, and we ate around the big table for the first time American Style and I noticed that my comfort level went way up with them, especially because I had other American friends in the house with me, and it was a familiar family setting of eating that I was more used to.

Thoughts and Reflections on different Value Systems

 While I feel so comfortable living here, I feel like I am comfortable because I know I am only living here temporarily. A lot of my friends here keep asking me why I can't just stay, and I am realizing that  am realizing that I am definitely seeing American values in me that I didn't realize were there. I have so many ambitions, I want to go do things and accomplish things and see the world, set goals for myself. I didn’t realize that was such an American mentality,  accomplishing goals is engrained in the decisions I make and things I do. But that is definitely an American idea. We are always planning ahead in America, planning what we do next, dreaming big. When we are kids, we are encouraged to fill our time and do ten different extra curricular activities at once. That’s not really as much of a thing here, people just kind of live simply and are satisfied with that. In America we are hardly ever satisfied, but at the same time I feel like we like that. I feel like in America we all have our own bucket list in our head that we are always adding to, where as people here don’t necessarily think that far ahead. In America we also call it the land of opportunity, which I'm realizing is really true. We can really do whatever we want to, and find a way to do it because we are born in that situation. Here if you’re born in a village for instance, you can’t just become whatever you want to just because its your dream. Western life has so many more “opportunities” available I guess you could say, but it is also so much more complicated and stressful. I love Senegal but I think there isn’t enough variety for me here to stay here long term. As I’m getting ready to leave, I’m starting to feel nostalgic for the busy and craziness of the states. Not so much New York crazy, but the variety of things you can do.

I’m realizing being here, how much a lot of American values that shape American culture are actually engrained in me that I didn’t realize, or previously didn’t want to admit that I associate with. I didn’t think I liked to associate with those, but I definitely am a product of that. In my seminar class here, we got into groups and on a bunch of pieces of paper were different values, and all of the groups came up with these ones for the top 5 American values, and then bottom 5 American values. They were things like cross cultural awareness, dependence, For the top 5 American values, they were things like Capitalism, individualism, Freedom, independence, wealth, equality, materialism, competition, efficiency, education, etc. When we were asked if we personally identify with those values, I remember thinking that I don’t want to associate with capitalistic values, wealth or too much individualism. But I think some of those values are in me that I didn't realize. 

Being here I'm also really learning to appreciate how much freedom we have in America. Liberty is so huge. You don’t really know what Freedom means until you go to places where there aren’t really freedom. Freedom of speech! I usually get annoyed at people who are overly patriotic, but being here has made me feel proud to be an American. We don’t realize in the US how much we live freedom in our every day lives, and in the choices we make every day. Freedom is definitely something that we take for granted in America, and I definitely learned to appreciate it after this experience.

Also being abroad definitely challenges what your idea of what is normal, because normal is all relative and about your perspective and upbringing. Same with idea of right and wrong. I feel like I’m not as opinionated the more I stay here. I have an opinions about things but I'm becoming neutral about a lot of things. I guess that means I am becoming more and more accepting of other ways of life and opinions, while also realizing more about myself and how I like to do things, what I value. You really start to question what is normal, because what we consider normal or common sense is different then what people here consider to be common sense and normal behavior.

It’s weird how when you are in a place for a long period of time you start to accept things that you wouldn’t accept if it was in another place. For example polygamy is totally becoming a normal thing, and the fact that gay people are oppressed is also scarily becoming just the norm that I’ve almost just accepted that it is the way it is. I don't like it, but I also don’t actively stand up for it because I don’t see the point. It will just destroy my relationships if I argue too much for it and I know I’m not going to see eye to eye with anyone about it. What is the point of monogamy anyway though? Why do we choose one person for the rest of our lives? And who said that was how it should be? 

Happy Birthday to me!

This year for my birthday, Sous L'Arbre organized a concert at a restaurant, and so many of my friends from school and all over Ouakam showed up! I was so overwhelmed with love and reminded just how many great friends I have made here. 

Rural Stay with a Peace Corps Volunteer

For a week at the end of march, we were all sent individually or in pairs to stay in rural areas of Senegal in the villages. The villages are completely different than Dakar in every way. Some students stayed with Peace Corps Volunteers and some stayed with local families. In the villages, everyone knows everyone, its sweltering HOT, there are livestock running around everywhere, and they typically only speak their local languages. There isn't electricity in the villages, but in the nearby towns there is. Most of the daily activities revolve around things like pulling water from the wells, doing laundry, picking cashew apples, playing soccer, drinking tea under the tree from 12 to 4 because its too hot to do anything else, and just hanging out. We ate lunch two times a day, once at her host family’s house and once at the family who she considers more her family’s house. We spent a lot of time eating cashew apples and ratties (frozen bissap juice in bags) We also got to roast cashews right off the trees, and eat the first mangoes of the season. This was all I could do to stay alive in the heat, and sit like this under a shaded tree:

This gave me a really good insight into the Peace Corps and what it’s actually like to be in it. We stayed with an agriculture volunteer in her hut, who was 32 so she was a little bit of an older volunteer. I got to sleep in a screened tent under the stars most nights so it was pretty magical! My peace corps volunteer cooked well for us, it was really nice to have something other than bread for breakfast, and to be eating some American food. It was like gourmet camping food. We were definitely spoiled. My peace corps volunteer also liked to talk a lot, so pretty much the entire visit I was just listening to her opinion on a lot of things. I imagine also she doesn’t get to talk to Americans much. I kept getting offered babies because people would say that they would go away find work and get a job and come back and support the family. Megan kept saying how there was a lot of opportunity for money in the village in selling cashews and cashew apples, but people don’t have good work ethic and don’t understand certain things about business. The last couple days we stayed in Toubacouda where the peace corps volunteer central house was. We swam in some mangroves with them and hung out at this nice hotel with a pool for the rest of the day!

These are some kids that did a dance circle for us, its crazy how well these kids can move their hips.

I had always thought about joining the peace corps but I actually found after this visit that I don’t think it’s for me. It also made me think about development in Africa and what our place is as Americans in that. It’s been a question that I’ve posed a lot here, just thinking about development and whether they want us here, what does it even mean to be a developed country, etc. I think that Peace corps is a good organization for the most part because you are actually going in and getting to know the community first, learning the language, figuring out what their local needs are and then trying to use your modern knowledge to help them by teaching through education. They don’t have to accept, but the knowledge is there if they want it. For instance, my volunteer Megan had a bee farm and taught her village how to make compost and things like that. But at the same time, it takes two years to accomplish a project that would take two months in the USA. It’s a very long patient process. Also, Megan was the first volunteer in her village and the first white person for that matter.

In the villages you definitely see much more defined gender roles. You tend to see most of the men under trees drinking attaya while the women do all of the hard house work and the laundry.

Also when you’re in an area like this you sometimes see people who haven’t gone to school or who are illiterate or who have these really defined gender roles and treat you certain ways because of you're white, but its important to knowing that a lot of these people have never seen more than a couple white people before, and that’s one reason why they stare.

This sheep is my namesake!

Sometimes I don’t feel like what is happening to me here is real life. It’s funny how things like riding on top of a car or in the back of a truck has become completely normal and doesn’t even phase me anymore. 

Circuit Sur la Corniche

On the 4^th of May we had a 5k race on the Corniche event that was student organized with my group that I volunteer with (long paved road that lines the beach) We had several sponsers and a website that we raised over 3000 American dollars with! The proceeds went to the school I volunteer at and an organization for women. Also check out those cool shirts… cause I designed them! I also played with Sous L”Arbre Acoustique there. By the way if you don’t like them yet you should go like their facebook page.  

It was kinda funny because it wasn’t really a real race as in a race where you try to finish first. Since it was for the kids, we didn’t actually try to go fast, and we would run sometimes and walk sometimes. I had kids hanging on my arms, singing songs in wolof most of the time. Also the front people would stop and wait for the people who were going slower all the time. like I’ve said before, Senegal is not a very competitive place. Everyone is a winner! It was cool to see all the girls coming out for sports too! Even if some of them were running in their dresses and sandles. 

Religious Tolerance.. but not really

I was sitting around the bowl, and my Mom had asked me why I never go over to Drew’s house (who lives a couple of streets down) for tea in the afternoons. I told her that it’s not that I don’t want to go, I just forget that Americans that live in Ouakam often go there because I’m usually doing other things. She told me that Drew’s mom said I wasn’t nice because I came to tea once and didn’t come after that. Then she told me that the other students in the previous years would go there every day (which isn’t actually very accurate), and that Abi and I don’t because we spend too much time with our musician boyfriends with dreadlocks. My Dad mentioned how he saw Abi the other day and assumed that she was up to no good because she was with a “rastaman.” 

I felt a little bit taken aback at this and told them that only two of my close friends here have dreadlocks, and they’re actually really nice people. I reminded them how nice it was that Sous L’Arbre Acoustique organized a birthday party for me at Limpala and would be playing there. I mentioned how grateful I was to have found such great friends here. I told them that don’t smoke weed, and that they are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met, have huge hearts and they aren’t bad people. I could have been talking to myself though because it was as though they didn’t hear anything I said. The first thing my sister said was that she would never date a rasta man. I told her that one of my friends with dreadlocks was a Bayefall (a subculture of Islam), and my mom said that she would never let a bayfall in her house, because they’re bad. I didn’t know what to say to this, and it actually made me really upset that she was saying this about one of my good friends that she has never met. That she knew absolutely nothing about him, other than the fact that he has dreadlocks. She has no idea that he has a huge heart, that he doesn’t smoke, and that his family is absolutely wonderful. She doesn’t know or care that he gets sent around Europe and West Africa to play the djembé. All she sees is that he has dreadlocks, is a bayefall and therefore must be a bad person. I asked why she doesn’t like them, and she just said they have a bad reputation in Senegal.

This was an awkward situation because I cant really talk back to them either or have a different opinion because 1. I don’t want to create conflict with my family and 2. I’m not really supposed to not talk back to my elders or argue with them.

I am realizing being here how much of an open-minded society America is. I’m also used to having a very open relationship with my parents, but here it’s like I have to hide what I’m doing because there are things that they just don’t accept. I have different values than they do though, and from my point of view, their reactions say one thing but to them they say a completely different thing. I feel like sometimes with my family there isn’t much of a cultural exchange, because they aren’t very interested in my point of view on anything. They just tell me how it is like it’s black and white.

A few weeks ago Abi told her family that she was going out until about 1am, and when we go out we usually have to call our families to open the door to let us in cause we don’t have a key (it sucks). So when she got home at 5 in the morning she was caught off guard when her uncle curiously asked where she had been. She could have said she went dancing. She could have said she was at a friends house drinking tea. But instead, to cover up the fact that she was hanging out with dreaded bayefalls, she decided to tell her uncle that my aunt died and that’s why she was home at 5 am because I was crying all night and needed comforting. So then the following week, she calls me to tell me that I need to come over so that her family can give me their condolences. Which then I spent 20 minutes talking with her host brother about how my aunt had a terminal illness and that we knew It was coming… that it was hard on all the family… and he went on to tell me that when he heard my news, he cried and thought about his own fathers passing. Fml. We are both going to hell. The things you do for your best friends.

America is such a mixture of different cultures so it makes sense that we are so accepting of different ways of being and types of people. On the one hand, while over 90 percent of the population here is Muslim, they are very tolerant of Christians but I’m realizing not so much of other minorities. Culture and religion are very interconnected in Senegal. They happily accept Christians and Muslims and jews, but if you don’t believe in god they don’t really know where to put you. Also you can’t accept an idea if you can’t even register that it exists. Its like homosexuality. You can’t accept it if you haven’t yet acknowledged its existence.